I AM ANIRUDDHA
As a child, I always heard my Mai say about me, “You will never know what he is up to!” and my mother would call me ‘the unpredictable marvel’. It is this very unpredictability that has kept developing since my childhood.
Once out of school we tend to forget all multiplication tables but the multiplication table of the ‘ I ’ – beginning with ‘ I x 1 = I right up to I x 10 = I ’ is the one that comes very easily to us; all because the ‘I’ can, riding on the horse of the mind, go totally berserk as and when it fancies and in all the ten directions. This is what I am, that is what I am, this is not me and that is not me, this is what I want that is not what I want, I did this and I did that –the ‘I’ of each one of us assumes several such forms and dances in wild frolic all through life; and as for me, Aniruddha, I have been a rock-solid supporter of the children’s ‘dhangaddhinga’ camp. (dhangaddhinga – the wild kind of merriment that children enjoy and can be their happy, free, uninhibited selves)
So the ‘I’ of Aniruddha just cannot be inactive can it?
This is what I am and that is what I am
Only I know what I am. But what I am not, I do not know at all. What am I like? That is independent of human and even of the circumstantial situations. Irrespective of the people and the circumstances around me, I remain the same, constant because at all times I live in the present and never lose sight of reality. For me, the awareness and retention of the past is meant only to enhance alertness in the present moment whereas the gauging of the future is meant to become cautious and wakeful but again in the present moment, that is my nature.
Am I good or am I bad
With an open mind I have granted to the whole world, the right to decide either way mainly because what other persons think of Me just does not matter to Me. To be the way My Dattaguru and My Gayatrimata want Me to, is the one sole aim of My life and it is due to their affection that I have been groomed the way they want Me to be.
This is not what I am and that is not what I am
What I am not, where and when I am not, I truly do not know. But in what kind of conditions I am not, I know very well and that is what lights my journey.
This is what I want and that is not what I want
I uphold the cause of the bhakta and not of politics, I want to offer seva but want no post, I accept the throne of the love of friends but want no power, I want non-violence but not timidity, I want supreme competence and ability but not exploitation, power but not violence, I willingly accept to be the servant of every bhakta of the Parmeshvar but not the leader of those with pretentious hypocrisy and stupid faith.
That I do not go over to meet others annoys many. But I neither have anything to take nor anything to give to anyone. So then the question of meeting others just does not arise at all, does it? I only meet My friends because of ‘pure kinship’ i.e. affinity that is beyond all give and take. This the one and only one reason why I meet them. So what I want is a meeting out of pure, sheer affection that has no other motive but love, what I do not want is the meet for give and take of any kind or for debate and deliberation. I do not want knowledge, meaning thereby that I do not want hollow and pompous words that brag about knowledge but I do uphold the selfless application of knowledge that is earned with effort and merit and used for constructive purposes.
I did this and I did that – ‘It is not the I as in Me who does it, it is the Naa-Mee who does it all’
This is my supreme and ultimate faith. So then is the ‘I’ as in me idle and passive? No, not at all. The ‘I’ as in me –Aniruddha, keeps watching over the (course of) the life-stream of every shraddhaavaan given to the ‘Naa-mee’; and to ensure that the flow does not come to a standstill and that the riverbed does not dry up, it keeps cutting through and opening up all areas that might cause to stagnate and it keeps pouring the flow of the Naa-mee into the shraddhaavaan’s life-stream – all this out of the Naa-mee’s love and to keep the life-stream in constant flow. Now tell me, can any of this be called mine?
I have immense love and regard for Truth, Love and Joy and so it follows that dissent from untruth, hate and misery is one of my natural and inherent principals.
This then implies that this task too happens of its own accord because all that is innate and intrinsic is also so much a natural and spontaneous part that it works and functions on its own; it does not need a deliberate stimulus.
The path of the maryada of Prabhuramachandra, the path of the nishkaama karma (where the dispassionate deed is the main norm) and the path of bhakti with the maryada as its basis, are my ideals. I am not unresponsive, I am moved by love, connected by love, my actions are motivated by love. I am committed not to ‘reality’ as in gross, superficial truth, but to the ultimate and basic Truth, the Truth that contains and generates purity and sanctity.
What do I wish to do? What am I going to do? Why do I write the editorial? Why do I write so much about the Third World War? Why do I deliver discourses? The answer to these questions is easy; as easy as answering questions like how does my heart function and how do I breathe; in fact that is it, these are the answers.
My friends, purity and love are the two coins that can buy me, no other, just no other currency can ever buy me. Actually speaking, the ‘I’ as in me, Aniruddha is yours, only yours; it was never mine and will never be.
A Friend of friends